Me...me...and me

Life is getting weirder and tougher
Nothing makes sense and I'm breaking down
This ain't me anymore...

I feel like crying, I feel like shouting
I feel tired, I feel weakened
I need to breath, I need a shoulder to cry on
Whispering to my soul to keep hanging on
Make myself believe that I'm not a quitter

They try to bring me down but I'll keep my head up
The crumbled spirit is still there
They just want to know if everything will be ok
When things are getting thougher they turn away
And I'm alone again...

I've been through this before
I'll win this silly game
I won't give up, I will not fall
I will stand tall

Am I ready?

How does it feels waking up one day and have nowhere to go, no meeting to attend and even no office to go to... Every move becomes a dread, every tick amplifes .... the eyes keep staring at the wall, thinking of what the future will hold.

This question keep coming back to my mind and whatever happens around me keeps echoing the thought. Things have moved so fast. One by one of my closest friends left the company. So, what is there for me to look forward to ? All new faces, hunger for the attention and I have to start all over again....Oh no!!!!
If I walk out the door today, am I ready? Have I chareoghraphed my move? I'm not sure. Too much stuffs to do and dunno where to start?... Will I have any money left after 3 months?... Will I still stuck in this rat race in one year time? So many queations yet so little thought is given to it.

What am I to my company? Another operating expenses, I think. All this thought keep coming up and I have no asnwer for it and I'm not sure if I'm honest enough to admit my fear of losing my security. But, what if it's true... It already hit me but I'm too scared to make my move. It drained my energy thinking about it. Life is not full of bed of roses.

Most of the people I knew will be leaving Agilent. It is hard for me to say goodbye to the people that I grew close to. My lunch mate, my yahoo buddy, my wild bunch .... everybody is moving on with their life. Am I strong enough to stay here? People will think that I'm paranoid but what the heck, I'm just human, I have feeling too. What should I do? Tell me why it take me so long to recognize it??

Resurrection Man

A slow paced book about Inspector Rebus being thrown to Tulliallan with a team of disfunctional Wild Bunch trying to figure out an old case under the supervision of Tennant - all with a hidden agenda.

I've been trying to finish this book since last week. Few pages at a time, I cannot get my eyes to stay awake long enough to go beyond that.

What a nightmare, at 1.45am this morning the guy next door manage to wake me up. I can here broken pieces of his phoney talk. Trying hard to drift back to slip and wasn't successful until about 2.30am.

5.30am, woke up again, This time around I just cannot go to sleep again. So, with eyes half open, I flipped through more pages of the book. Now I'm down to the last two chapters, will save it for later. At least I'll have something to read on when I come back from work. I wonder whether there is such thing as free ebook (fiction type) internet sites that I can go on and download ebooks. My friend was forwarded Angel and Demon ebook from a friend of her and she has been keen enough to finish that book. It is a wonder how a good marketing can be. I have the paperback copy of all Dan Brown novels. Bought it last year and is currently awaiting for the latest Patricia Cornwell or Kathy Reich's book to arrive in Malaysia. Hope it is worth the wait.

When I return home, I'll try to find a nice book shelves to house my collection. What a pity that they are just dusting around under my bed. Maybe I can try harder this time around. DIY kit??? Maybe not for me, hey ... why not try it. It will be a good Saturday exercise for me.

Transporter 2

Have anybody watch this one? I did.. hehheheheh ...It is a nice popcorn movie that you can watch during your lazy weekend. A bit exaggerated but hey.. I kinda expecting that. A slap of sexy lady and lots of car chase and walla… you get a movie.

It has its own charm though. Jason Statham in black suit doesn’t fail the movie. I’ll remember his character as a cool-headed Frank that goes by an inflexible code of ethics…The plot is common, nothing fancy – kind of make me remember Mission Impossible 2. Is it really alike? Maybe…

One thing I hate, ‘Lola’. Not sure how many people agree with me on this. Maybe the guy won't. This assassin lady wears more than undies, stiletto heels and shoulder holster? Is it an underdress or an overdress…. Kind of get sick after a while.

So, how many stars does it recieved? I'll give it 3 out 5 stars...

Miss my mom..

listening to puddle of mud, trying to shake my mind off my mom's lovely face. Put the volume as high as my ear can allowed but still feel homesick. I'm heading back to Penang in about two weeks time and I cannot wait for that. Thus tender hand will always touch my heart.

Last night call to my parent was a sad one. When you are far from home, you kind of always expecting for something nice everytime you call. But last night was a different one. Mom was pretty sad, one off our close relative, Nenek, was bed-ridden and is drifting on and off because she fell from the stairs and hit her head hard. According to mom, Nenek has blood clot at the back of her head and is now half-paralysed. She can only move her right hand. Pretty sad. I hope she hangs on there till I get back. At least I can say goodbye and ask for forgiveness l before she go away. I hope that she can still remember my face. Mom say that Nenek's speech has become 'slurred', very hard to understand.

I pray that she'll get better. I know that she's old, 86 years old I think but she deserved a nice life. I hope she'll come out of it and be able to recognize me when I'm back.

My eyes are teary now... Have been like this since last night. Trying my best to put a happy face so that everything will look normal. Hope is always there...

Sushi attack!!!!

I love sushi... One exotic thing that was introduced by my friend, Aida. She successfully converts me to Jap Food enthusiast. I tried my hand on making a few futomakis today - well, it is cheaper this way than eating in the sushi bar. I have lost of fillings, range from tuna and mayo, mexican mango, bell paper and eggs.

Since now I'm in Santa Rosa for two months, I don't have all my sushi kits here. So, I have to buy most of them at the nearby Asian Market including the bamboo mat. They have pretty good collection for the Japanese food section. You can get the mat, seaweed, vinaigrette powder, wasabi and those cute mochi balls. I just use normal rice as I cannot find the short grain sushi rice. It still taste ok - maybe not as good as the one in the shop but it is handmade.....

Tony promise to bring me to a Japanese restaurant in Santa Rosa. He cancelled it last time because something comes up - but hey, we can go later. In the meantime, I'll enjoy my sushi.

Stanford Visit

Saturday, 10th September was a memorable day in my life. Yeah.. I went to visit Stanford uni. I went there to visit Helmi's friend, Paul from his college day. Kinda a cool uni to study.

Paul's girlfriend, Jenny gave us a short tour of the uni. We even went to Paul's lab that have this MRI facility - cool gadget but the magnetic field is too strong and it gave me headache.

Well, we arrive there after we got lost in the neighborhood. At first we ended up in the Junior Museum. The lady over there was kind enough to print an instruction from Yahoo so that we can get to Paul's place. After few time of circling around we finally managed to track down Paul's residence. Phew... nice big telly he and his roommate have. Envy them.

Before we headed back, Paul treated us to a Thai Restaurant in downtown. I'd Thai Fried Rice with big prawn and few crab claws. Yum..yummm. The spring roll was sooooo refreshing. Paul and Helmi had a big meal - I'm really amazed with the amount of food that they eat and yet Paul still have some space for his favourite Oreo cookies. Heheheheh... .

Thanks to both Paul and Jenny, we have a great time there. Time for some sleep...