Am I ready?

How does it feels waking up one day and have nowhere to go, no meeting to attend and even no office to go to... Every move becomes a dread, every tick amplifes .... the eyes keep staring at the wall, thinking of what the future will hold.

This question keep coming back to my mind and whatever happens around me keeps echoing the thought. Things have moved so fast. One by one of my closest friends left the company. So, what is there for me to look forward to ? All new faces, hunger for the attention and I have to start all over again....Oh no!!!!
If I walk out the door today, am I ready? Have I chareoghraphed my move? I'm not sure. Too much stuffs to do and dunno where to start?... Will I have any money left after 3 months?... Will I still stuck in this rat race in one year time? So many queations yet so little thought is given to it.

What am I to my company? Another operating expenses, I think. All this thought keep coming up and I have no asnwer for it and I'm not sure if I'm honest enough to admit my fear of losing my security. But, what if it's true... It already hit me but I'm too scared to make my move. It drained my energy thinking about it. Life is not full of bed of roses.

Most of the people I knew will be leaving Agilent. It is hard for me to say goodbye to the people that I grew close to. My lunch mate, my yahoo buddy, my wild bunch .... everybody is moving on with their life. Am I strong enough to stay here? People will think that I'm paranoid but what the heck, I'm just human, I have feeling too. What should I do? Tell me why it take me so long to recognize it??