2006 is coming. Happy New Year!!!!!

Today is Friday, December 30, 2005. Two more days to 2006 and we’ll say goodbye to 2005.
For 2006:

1) I wish that I can be the luckiest person is the world
2) I want to do one design project for this year
3) I want to buy a house
4) I want to live healthily. Priority!!!!


There are more “I wish” and “I want” in my mind but I’d rather keep them to myself. Selfish huh…..Don’t care

So, what is your New Year Resolution?

Maisurah gets 8A for her PMR!!!

My lovely sister got 8A for her PMR. I’m happy for her success. She deserves the recognition for her hard work. She’s a naturally gifted person and is good with numbers but not so successful in language, at least that’s what I think.

Anyway, congratulation my “whale”.

Kakuro Craze

Kakuro is a numeric crossword puzzle. It is considered more challenging than Sudoku. I think it is more fun to do Kakuro and it is addictive. At laest it get my rustic brain moving. I started out at the kid level and slowly progressing myself.

If you say you can sudoku, then you should kakuro as well.

Check out this website of Kakuro:
http://www.kakurolive.com/

My beloved beaver

My full name is Beaver. My nickname is Mat Berg but people call me Berg.

I don't like people taking my photo as I'll always look fat in it.

Gulai Lemak Siput

Have you ever tried Gulai Lemak Siput Sedut which can loosely translate to Snail in Coconut Gravy? I know some of you might cringe on the thought of eating snail but this one taste quite tasty. It is considered a local delicacy and you cannot easily find it in normal restaurant as even the snail seems hard to find nowadays.

It is used to be a laborious work to cook this dish. Nowadays, you can buy the snail readily clean and prepared – ready for cooking. You can even buy the herbs from the supermarket. All you need to do is blend them together and add in the snail. Let it simmer for a few minutes and the meal is ready. I always love my mom’s version of this dish. She’ll put lots and lots of Daun Kadok and chilies. The dish tasted divine with thick creamy coconut milk and the most important thing is the snail is cook to perfection, not too chewy.

Here is one of the recipes that you can try out:

Ingredients:

1/2 kg snail, cut the end and clean it thoroughly
1 cup of water
1 turmeric leaf
3 slices of asam gelugur
3 cups of coconut milk
Daun Kadok

Blend together:

5 shallots
3 cm fresh turmeric
2 tsp dried prawn
1 1/2 cm shrimp paste
Red chilies/Bird eyes chilies depending on your tolerance
How to cook it?

1. Add in water, turmeric leaf, asam gelugur, daun kadok and the blended ingredients into a pot. Let it simmer for a while
Add in coconut milk and salt to taste. Keep stirring the gravy to prevent it from “curdling”. Once it boiling, add in the snail. Cook for a while and turn the fire off. Try not to cook it for too long as it cause the snail to become chewy.

It’s a scary drive back home

Friday, I reached another chapter in my life. I’ve never could imagine myself driving in a heavy rain and foggy environment along the East West Highway. Driving back from Penang to Kelantan with my sisters and a friend, I feel like entering into a white zone. I can barely see the road and only rely on the middle divider line as my guide. The visibility was so bad. The farthest that I can see is about two meters ahead. The road condition that deteriorates over the raining season makes the situation worse. I hit the deep holes on the road few times. Sometimes, I try to avoid the hole in the middle of the road only to end up going into the one on the left. My heart seems to stop every time the tyre hit the hole. Poor baby. The meter barely touches 80km/hour. The winding road seems like an endless journey. I keep praying that I won’t hit anybody or being hit by somebody. I can see landslides at some stretches and that scares me.

Normally, it took me one and a half hour driving through that stretch but this time it took me longer than that, I think about three hours. What matter most was we reached home safe. I wish that I’d never have to go through that experience. Once is enough for me. The whole experience about driving during heavy rain in a deep fog along a winding and bad road teaches me to be tough. That’s what I call a challenging ride and I survived it.

Thank You....

I'd a closed brush with death today, or so I thought. It happened in front of the Toyota Showroom in Sunway Tunas, Bayan Lepas. As I was walking out of the showroom to my car, a grey Satria sped up. There were only few centimeters between me and the car body. That's damn closed.

My heart beat profusely. The driver honk and I stop immediately, unhurt. That area is so narrow and the Toyota people put up a tent that actually covers the road making it narrower and cramped. Yet, how could that guy cruise that narrow strip at 60km/hour????

I feel blessed that Allah still loves me and take care of me. I'm still shaken by the incident.
Deep inside my heart I keep saying thank you for His care. I don't know what will happen and don't want to think about it.

Whatever it is, I know there is somebody watching me and I feel so small under His watchful eyes... Thank you

Ayam Masak Merah…

I had to admit that I’m not a health buff when it comes to food. For Saturday’s dinner, I cooked Ayam Masak Merah which literally means Red Chicken. It tasteddevillish and I ate it with Nasi Beriyani (Spicy Rice). The heavy dish was tamed down with slices of fresh cucumber

Triple New Year

Does anybody realize that we'll be cellebrating triple New Year this January.

Chinese > Year of Dog, January 29th
Muslim > Awal Muharram/ Maal Hijrah, Janury 31st
Malaysia > NEW YEAR , January 1st

I've read somewhere that the triple New Year will only occur every 32 or 33 years. So, the next triple New Year will be in 2039.

What is your resolution for this coming New Year?

A happy day in Cameron Highland

From left Intan, K Cik, Surah and me.

Cacti in Rose Valley

I took these photos during my visit to Rose Valley in Cameron Highland. I cannot imagine myself fall onto those thorny cacti.. Ouchhh...

Butterfly Farm

We spent about half an hour in the Butterfly Farm, Cameron Highland. The place is quite small and there are not many butterflies around. It costs RM3/adult and open from about 9am to 6pm.

Rose Valley... Cameron Highland

One of the many type of roses in the Valley















Strange looking flower.. looks like a bird

White and Yellow Swans

Me and Intan in the Rose Valley. Our shirts matched the swans' colors. Hehehehhe....

Cameron Highland Strawberries

Fresh Strawberries bought from the market

Refreshing Strawberries Lolly - RM1/piece

Deep Fried Kimchan and Oyster Mushroom in Batter

So crispy....

A weekend trip to Cameron Highland

Last Thursday night, I packed few clothes, bundled my sisters inside my car and off we headed to Cameron Highland. Taking the North South Highway from Penang, the night driving took me about 2 hours. Not too bad….The traffic was good.

By the time we reached Ipoh, it was already 9.30pm so we’d decided to overnight in Ipoh. As a budget conscious traveler, our obvious choice would be a cheap motel that can provide us with basic necessities. Easy parking space would be an added advantage to us. We ended in Faremount Hotel for about RM70/night. The motel was very basic but the cleanliness was quite disappointing. I’d prefer if the toilet is cleaner but since I’m too tired, I couldn’t; complain much.

We left for Cameron Highland at about 8.30 am the next morning and took the Simpang Pulai exit for a scenic and pleasurable drive. The drive up took me about 1 hour and the scenery is breathking. We stay for two nights in Jasmine Hotel in Brinchang at a rate of RM85/night. This hotel is quite ok except that it doesn’t provide fresh towel. It’s lucky that we brought our own.

We went to few places such as the Rose Valley, Butterfly Farm, and the Strawberry Farm.
The cute cacti always capture our attention whenever we stop at the market. I ended up buying about ten of them.

The fresh strawberry lollies were so nice. At about RM1 to RM1.50 per piece, the lollies were one of the sought after items for us. We ate lots of them. I love the dried strawberries as well. It made a good goodies to give to others back home.

The night market was packed with hawkers and also tourist. Lots of stuffs are available here such as souvenirs, strawberries, cacti, fresh veggies and fruits, and honey. Not too mentioned food and we tried the Kimchan and Oyster Mushroom Deep Fried in Butter. It was so nice we bought lots of them to eat in the hotel.

We left Cameron Highland on Sunday morning with heavy hearts. We’d made plan to come again in the future. Maybe I’ll venture further to explore the famous Mount Brinchang or going for other nature trip that we missed this time.

Pesta Pulau Pinang

It has been quite sometime since I write anything to this blog. I’ve been quite occupied with my works and also with my two sisters that are currently in Penang visiting me.

Pesta Pulau Pinang has just started and it’s a great opportunity for me to bring my sisters around. The last time I went there was in 2003 and the ticket price was just RM2. I think they’d increase the price since last year to RM4. We went there just for fun since they’ve never been to one.

There is nothing interesting there. It’s more or less like the Kota Bharu expo except that it has better booths. There are games and some entertainments for the visitor. I was hoping that they’ll showcase on the Penang famous food, culture or anything that Penang is famous for, but all I see is the exploitation of some commercial goodies that we can buy with a cheaper price outside the Pesta. I wish the state government will do something to improve the Pesta Pulau Pinang quality.

Have some Mee Siam

One of the great joys of homecooking is I get to experiment with varieties of ingredients readily available in our supermarket shelves. I love to try out new recipes that I came across when browsing the net. Saturday lunch was no exception. Aiming with the list of ingredients to make Mee Siam, my sister and I went through Tesco’s shelves to buy santan, cucumber, lemongrass, bunga kantan, red chillies and fresh prawn for the dish.

We took our time making the gravy that have a terracotta-like color due to a mixture of chillies, santan and the salted soya bean (taucheo).

I topped the Mee Siam with some shredded chicken, prawn, squids, fried shallots, boiled egg, cucumber and some other condiments. The gravy has some tanginess to it due to the tamarind and some calamansi lime that we added in. I quite like the overall taste of the dish as I think the flavour mixed really well… What a moorish dish for a lazy Saturday lunch.

Steamed Siakap

I was craving steamed fish and browsing through the cooking books prompted me to make one of my own. Here is the finish results. The smells filled the house that day and me and my sisters have great time making this steamed fish.

We used young ginger, carrot, chillies and lots of onion and garlic that have been julienned.

Looking thru my window..

It has been raining for the past few days and I'd managed to capture this photo which I think is pretty beautiful. The droplets were quite big and it was raining heavily that day.

A bowl of laksa penang....

On Tuesday, arming with a list of ingredients needed to cook Laksa Penang, I went to Tesco with Intan. We headed straight to the fish counter and were disappointed to find that the mackerel fish (or ikan kembung as it is locally called) was not fresh.
We tried our best to find the better looking fish among the baddies and managed to get some.

After getting the bunga kantan (RM2.90 for 2 pieces !!!!) and some daun kesum we headed back. All three of us chipped in to cook the laksa penang. It smells so good and I keep dipping the spoon to taste the gravy. I put lots and lots of daun kesum so mine smell heaven. The gravy was very thick as we use lots of flakey mackerel. With some boiled egg, crunchy cucumber and pineapple, the laksa tastes divine. The gravy is harmoniously balanced between spicy and sour. Thanks to my two sisters, we can eat a nice hot bowl of laksa penang lots of thick gravy. Yummieee....

My favourite fruit

isn't it red and juicy....

All work and no play….

Damn it’s weekend and I’m stuck at work trying to get the station up and running. My sister kept asking me what it so important at work that I have to use my off day to work. She gave me a frustrated look when I say I can’t go with her to the mall. Sorry….

Yeah.. It was me and Tony in the line trying to fix the problem but we’d exhausted our idea already. We called it a day after two days of cranking our head. I’d successfully wasted my weekend :( and I’m not happy about it. No amount of pizza can make up for the lost weekend.

One of the managers was with us when we were troubleshooting the station and hopefully he understood the problems that we are facing. I understand that they are desperate to get the products out of the pipeline but they need to understand the reality. We are in deep shit!!!!!!

Doopp!!!

Scorpio (October 24 – November 22)

“You could be taken by surprise once you realize just how strongly you’re attracted to that one particular person. This does not go say that you should act out your feelings, but you could entertain the thought”

This is the excerpt of my zodiac prediction for this week. It is kinda interesting to note this at this time around. How true could this be, I don’t know as I haven’t been truthful to myself let alone other people…. Let see how true this is

Selamat Hari Raya

I’d like to wish all my friends a ‘Selamat Hari Raya’. May this AildilFitri showers us with blessing from Allah

Balik Kampung exodus

Tomorrow or as early as tonight there will be a stream of motorists on the road heading towards their destinations for the balik kampong trip and I will be one of them. The highways, federal and state roads will be packed with people like me and there will also be lots of traffic officers monitoring the hotspots.

I read from the news that those who’s slapped by ticket(s) will have to pay on the spot. I hope that I’m not one of them. Ops Sikap IX has already started today and I’d seen a number of the white uniforms on the road. Penang roads are beginning to feel congested as people started coming back from all over the place for the Deepavali and Hari Raya festivities. The island is expecting an influx of at least
100,000 cars within this period. And that my friend is not good.

My to do list for the car today:
1) Check the tires and fill in the gas. Don’t want to have to queue for the pump tonight.
2) Check the coolant and the water level for the wiper
3) Put some RainAct on my screens – in case of rain
4) Check the engine oil
5) Double check my spare tyre

I hope I’d covered everything, It is bad that I don’t have time to send the car for its badly needed service as I’ve been swarmed by work for these past few days but I promise myself to send it to the service center when I come back.

It will be fun to join in the millions of Malaysian in the frenzied balik kampung rush this weekend. Having said that, it is also a good time to remind myself that death takes no holiday and I have to be extremely careful on the road.

With the homecoming of city dwellers to Kelantan, I’d expect the price of goods to increase. Damn, there’s no way for me to bargain the price this time around. I need to get some stuff for my friend’s engagement ceremony and also for the newborn Santino. Hmmm… I wonder what I should be getting them. As a hopeless shopper I’ll need the helps of my sisters to do this. Anyway, that’s aside. Let’s explore the magical mystery of Syawal.

Hari raya is coming and I don’t feel a thing

Isn’t it kinda weird? Hari Raya is just around the corner and yet I feel nothing. Seem that it just another raya to me. Maybe because I didn’t really make any preparation for it. No baju raya for me again this year. That’s sad.

I’m going back to Kelantan on Saturday – hopefully morning. It is a long drive along the East – West Highway. Typically it took me 5 to 6 hours to arrive there. The long winded drive really takes a toll on me. But it is going to be a great drive as K Chik is going to be there with me.

I have to get some tidbits for Hari Raya as I won’t have much time to bake cookies and cake this year. Have to buy some stuff for mama and abah as well. Huhuhuu!!! That is going to be fun. I love buying stuffs for them as they always appreciate it - no matter what I get them.

Ohhhh!! I’ve just remember something. I have to prepare as much loose change as possible for the little kids. I need to get the green packet and also some hari raya cards for some friends. So many things to do yet I’m tight up with other stuffs.

I don’t know whether I’ll have the time to send the car for a check before I go back. Maybe I’ll just do it when I come back from Kelantan. Hopefully, it will be a smooth ride

In memory of my Grandma

Today is 17th Ramadhan and it will always revoke a painful memory to me. Today is the day that my lovely grandma passed away – exactly 3 years ago.

I still remember that it was the first Ramadhan that I was going to celebrate my first AidilFitri with my family after 6 years in Bristol. I was really looking forward to Syawal and have been spending most of time at home. Sometimes I break fast at my grandma’s house and I absolutely love her cooking.

She’s been a healthy old lady and always full of life. We went to a market together during that Ramadhan and I remembered that we used one of her old friend’s car on the way back from the market. I still remember their conversation in the car; that most of their friends have passed away and not many still around. Mak as what I always call her, said that she always prayed that Allah will take her away on 17th Ramadhan whenever she become a burden to people around her. I kinda feel weird that we were having that conversation but didn’t say much.

The next day, she started acting strange and kept saying that somebody will come soon and she said that her body is aching but she did not want to go to the hospital. She began sweating but she kept saying that she’s cold. These were going on for two days. On the third night, she started showing all of her collection that we’ve never seen before and I was the one asked to take note of all that stuffs. There was this one group of granddad’s friend at the house that night and we asked them to pray for Mak. She wanted to join the prayer and was preparing for it as well when she got a fit. Me and Angah was so shocked and mom immediately asked us to recite the verses from the Holy Quran. I was so scared at that time. I took position at her head besides Angah and both of us recite Yaasin. She passed away at the end of Yassin, peacefully. I still remember she asked to open the front door as wide as possible as she saw lots of people waiting for her outside while at that time none of us saw anything.

She passed away without seeing my grandad as we cannot locate him. Me, mom and my sisters did the final bath ritual. My aunts and uncle arrived from all over the place the next morning to attend the funeral. None of us in the house slept that night. We kept vigil at her side since that was our last time together. She was buried in the morning and so many people attended her funeral. The morning mist was so surreal and I felt so peaceful.

Everybody was saying that I’m the lucky one. I was the one that stay so far away, in Bristol, yet I was the one at her side when she passed away. Even Kak Chik was not at her funeral. I feel so honored to be there when she left us. I’ve been praying that I’ll be there when she passed away and thank you Allah for listening to my prayer.

Even though I did not get the chance to celebrate AidilFitri with her, I was so proud that I was there for her until the end. That was the worst AidilFitri for my family. It was a big blow to us especially my granddad, that we managed to locate after the second day my grandma passed away. We tried our best to be strong during the AidilFitri celebration for my granddad but deep inside ….. It was hard.

May Allah bless her and shower her with all His love.

Losing a friend

During my lifetime, I acquire many acquaintances through school, work, travel, hobbies, and other activities. Through the process of cultivation a few of these acquaintances become friends and a bunch of them grow to be my best friend. We started as a stranger, so careful yet bold. But then after we get to know each other, I began to unfold.

Some friendships last a lifetime. Others last a period of time and slowly dissolve due to changes and transitions in my life. In school, my close friends may have moved to another town or drifted away due to a change in common interests. Perhaps a close friend at work changed employment; although the friendship remains, it takes on a new demeanor because we’ll not see each other as often anymore.

What happens when a friend leaves or dies? No matter what the circumstances surrounding it, the shock can be overwhelming, and I find myself asking, “How could this happened?” “I can’t believe he/she is gone!”

Then I realize that the time shared with my friend is now gone forever. No other friend can take the place of the friend I lost or the confidences I shared. Sometimes I feel that a part of me has died because no other person can take that friend’s place.

Then the pain of grief occurs, I feel confuse, guilty, helpless and angry. The sound of our favorite song, the sight of a beautiful sunset or the smell of a familiar fragrance can bring a torrential rain of tears. For no specific reason, tears will flow. Whatever it is, I believe that for all of us, this day will arrive, when it is finally time to say goodbye.

Buka Puasa dishes

Today is my second day of full fasting in Malaysia. It is pretty hot outside and I feel thirsty. On the first day I had only opted for buying my buka puasa dishes in the Ramadhan Bazaar near the mosque. That place was packed with food shopper and there are lots of food and drink up for sales. My friend and I bought some nasi kerabu (you know, that light blue rice with lots of mixed salads) and nasi tomato. I also bought lots of popiah for my snacking time late at night. Yummie… Don’t mention about the parking, it’s terrible.

Today I’m thinking of cooking a hot and spicy crab dish for the breaking fast. Since I’ve got nothing in my fridge, I have to buy all the fresh ingredients from the market or maybe from Tesco. They have some nice crabs in the seafood sections and the price is quite reasonable today. I only need 4-5 crabs for the two of us. I need some curry leave, lemongrass, shallots, garlic, ginger, chili and lime. I’ll make the chili paste at home with some dried chilies later.

Here is the recipe for you to try out. Since I’m more towards adventure cooking, I don’t really weigh my ingredients. I go by instinct and smell (and taste if it is not during Ramadhan). Cooking is an art so don’t be afraid. You can always modify it to suit your taste.


Ingredients:

4-5 crabs (medium size would do)

About 2 tbsp of corn flour combined with ½ tsp pepper

Enough oil for deep frying the crabs
4 tbsp butter
Some curry leaves (optional)
2 stalks of lemongrass (bruise or smash them to release the flavor)

Ground 4 shallots, 2 cloves of garlic, about 2 cm ginger and 2 tbsp chili paste (you can blend 2 fresh chilies with few dried chilies that have been soaked in water for this)

For the sauce ingredient, combine about 7 tbsp of tomato sauce, 5 tbsp chili sauce,2 tbsp oyster sauce, 3 tbsp of lime juice, 1-2 tbsp sugar to taste and 4-5 tbsp water.

How to cook:

Cut the crabs into halves, Remove and crack the pincers. Clean and wipe dry the crabs and toss them in the flour mixture that has been prepared earlier.

Heat enough oil in a wok and deep fry the crabs until fragrant. Dish out and drain the oil.

In a separate pan, heats the butter until it melts and adds the curry leaves (if using), lemongrass and all the ground ingredients. Fry until it become fragrant.

Put in the combine sauce ingredients and crabs. Stir fry until the crabs are fully coated with the sauce. Close the pan with a cover and cook for 2-3 minutes until the crabs are fully cook and the sauce thicken. Serve hot with some chopped parsley or coriander leaves.


So, now I have a nice crab dish and a plate of rice and I’m waiting for the breaking fast time . It smells so nice and my stomach is growling. For those who try this recipe let me know whether you like it or not. Most of the time you need to slightly modify it to suite your taste. As I said, cooking is an art and a little personal touch goes a long way.

There goes the Adzan now and it is time for the break fast. Bon Appetit!

My precious treasure

DSC-H1. A Sony DSLR that I’ve been eying for two months. It turned out that there is a IT/electronic fair in Changi airport and this camera is also on the hotlist items. After comparing the price with the US price and also the one that I’d intended to purchase earlier on in KL, I think I’ve got a better deal here. They give extra pair of Sony batteries and also a 256Mb memory stick for about SD$808 (i.e USD 486). The one on sale on the internet (KL) will cost me about RM1899 excluding shipping and handling ( ie about USD474) but the shop only give a 128Mb memory stick. The cheapest that I can find in US internet store is USD 389 but I have to pay extra USD 100 to get the same memory stick. That doesn’t include shipping and tax though. After thinking for about two hours I’d finally have the gut to go to the Sony booth and asked the salesman to show me the display unit. He showed me some of the functions and I was so excited and I bought the unit. Now I’m sitting here waiting for my final flight to Penang and I cannot keep my eyes off the white bundle. Finally I made the big purchase for the year and although it caused a big hole in my pocket it does make me happy. I think I’ve to hold my thought of buying the HIFI until after I have enough money again. Maybe this is my present to myself for my coming birthday. So, what is on my next shoppling list… HUGO BOSS perfume!!! High maintenance chick.. hehehehhehe

Narita, Tokyo 13th October

I’ve just landed in Tokyo Narita after a grueling 11 hours journey. Lord Almighty, I was starving in the plane. I stayed put until the breaking fast time and tell you what, I followed US time…. Why??? Because I don’t know what the ground time was and I was just so tired. I think Tokyo is already on 13th today so I’m already on different day. It is not easy trapped in the cabin with all the food surrounding you but I somehow managed it. I hope my fasting today will be accepted. I’ve been truthful to myself as I struggled to hold myself until the time come. A big milestone achieved as I know it is not easy to fast during the long hour flight. I felt terribly thirsty and have a headache as I think my glucose level is getting low. It doesn’t help that I cannot sleep during flight and I keep looking at the watch and dreading as the it ticked away slowly. My trusted energy bar was tucked away in the backpack just in case I cannot stand it anymore.

The food that they served was awful. Mashed potato Arabic style, with lots of cumin. Yuckie..but I managed to down few tablespoons until my mouth cannot accept anymore. After that I just sticked to fruits, some snacks and Tostitos that they served. I hope the food for the Singapore flight later will be much nicer.

My connecting flight to Singapore is about 3 hours away and I’m damned exhausted. I’m bored and have nothing to read anymore. I’d finished one book during the flight earlier on. I thought I’d never done it but I did and now I’m left with nothing to read as I’d packed my other book into the luggage to Penang. Maybe I should buy a magazine from the Travel kiosk. Could be useful in keeping my mind off the long flight later.

I’m yearning for a hot shower and a nice sleep. I cannot really sleep in the flight just now and my eyes are already red and I’ll try to keep them open so that I can have my much needed sleep in Changi. I think the time right now is equivalent to 12am in Santa Rosa and it is my sleep time. My back hurts as I’ve been lugging my laptop and backpack. What a pleasure to have somebody massaging it. Hehehehe…. Dream on.

I saw some nice sushi bars around this area and I’m intending to get my hand on some of it. Unagi style in a glistening thick shoyu, basted with some honey ….. Yummieee…. They also have some sushi with squid and some sashimi that looks really nice to me. I’ve some spare dollars in my pocket and I think it will be more than enough for it. This will end my craving for the day and also burn a hole in my pocket…. Never mind, I’ll claim it later.

I’ve been playing “Kau Ilhamku” by Manbai few times while weighing my choice and it really sounds nice and soothing to my fatigued mind and it has a deep soulful meaning that I always like. Today’s long flight brings back fragmented memory of my journey back to Malaysia from Heathrow. Something that I cannot break free. Lonely and feeling bored. I wish I’ve somebody that I can talk to. I’ve turned into that unfriendly, guarded character when I’m alone and outside of my comfort zone. I think that is what they call survival mode and I trusted my instinct better at this time. My instinct is telling me to go to that sushi bar and buy some sushi for my dinner and I think my stomach really applauds that choice. Hmm… I hope they have some nice selection for me to try this time around. Let’s go and eat something.

Penang here I come..... I'm coming home

I'll be flying home to Penang tomorrow and I'm excited . Had already planned on where to break fast on the day I arrive. Should I eat Daging Masak Merah or should I eat Ayam Bakar???.... Yumm Yummm.... Thinking about food always make me happy. I think it triggers the happy hormone in me and I'll start imagining all the wonderful colours and smells.I cannot help but think about the juicy watermelon juice.... red pinkish colour juice in a big glass, full of ice...one of seven wonders in my life.... I've been craving this since the first day of Ramadhan here.

Arghhhh ... there is so many stuffs for me to do. First thing , pump some gas into my Vios and I can't wait to see my baby. She must be so dusty by now with lots of water mark thanks to Penang lousy environment. I cannot afford to wait for 1-2hours to get it polish or wax though. I'm just not patient enough. I'll need to send the car for a quick wash and see whether I can get an appointment for my 5000km check the next day. Well, actually I've gone beyond that.. the car has clocked close to 8000km I think. Better send it before I go back for Raya. It is pretty hard to get an appointment during the raya season and I desperately need to send my car before I go for a long drive back to Kelantan.

What a pleasure driving back through the highway. This time around it will be different because it is Ramadhan and I cannot stuffs my big mouth with keropok and chips. Huhuhuhuhu... it will be a though one and Kak Chik will be there for me. Not that I'll allow her to drive through the highway anyway. At lest we can catch up on lots of stuffs... you know what I mean... girls stuffs. Six hours of continuous driving, I'm pretty sure I can dig lots of juicy story from her... hehehehhehe

Oppps... one important thing for me to do, I need to renew my driving license. It expired last month and I've been driving to work in US without a valid license... I know .. Every time I'm on the wheel I pray hard that nothing will happen and I had finally returned the rented car today. Thanks Allah Almighty for taking care of me here... .I know I've been naughty but I'll try my best to behave myself.

I need to finish packing up my stuffs tonight. I'd printed all the itenaries and booking info. I hope I can get a standard room in the transit hotel. Else, I'll stuck in the budget hotel with a communal toilet.. what a hassle that will be.

I need to cook some food for the flight. I will break fast in Narita and sahur in Singapore. Kinda cool aaaa... But I'll be damned tired on the 10/11 hour journey to Narita. I'll try to scout for bargain in Changi airport. Hopefully, they have the DSC-H1 digital camera that I've been eying....If the price is reasonable, I'll buy it. Splurge!!!!!.

The way I am

When I’m with you, the world is a mass of golden colors with sunlight shining through.The love pushes to get out, pulses against my skin but I'll firmly hold it inside. Show no sign of it. Our friendship would be ruined if I let this unruly love show.

In the safest dark that I've chosen for myself, I cry where no one would see me, no one would comfort me or scorn me. The light was so close but yet too far too reach. Such a great effort to reach and grab it. Till then it'll be a pure, plain and simple friendship, not a question to move forward.

Thank you for loving me that much. I wish I had returned the feelings. However, if I told you that I like you and be the way that you want me to be, I'll not be honest to myself for it wasn't a true love that I felt. Maybe I was wrong but I don't know, I just want our friendship to stay here forever. Maybe one day if the time ever come back again.....

A Friendship Poem for the more cynical of us

A tribute to friendship.....

When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad.
When you are blue, I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile, I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared, I will dog you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and tell you to quit whining.
When you are confused, I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you are sick, stay away from me until you're well again, I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath that I pledge till the end. Why you may ask?
Because you're my friend.

Men Are Hard To Please

The problems with GUYS:

If you treat TREAT him nicely, he says you are IN LOVE with him;
If you Don't, he says u are too PROUD.
If you DRESS Nicely, he says you are trying to LURE him;
If you Don't, he says you are from a VILLAGE.
If you ARGUE with him, he says you are STUBBORN;
If you keep QUIET,! he says you have no BRAINS.
If you are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than you, he is GREAT.
If you don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS you;
If you Love him, he will try to LEAVE you.(very true huh?)
If you don't make love to him., he says you don't Love him;
If you do!! he says you are CHEAP.
If you tell him your PROBLEM, he says you are TROUBLESOME;
If you don't, he says that you don't TRUST him.
If you SCOLD him, you are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS you, it is because he CARES for you.
If you BREAK your PROMISE, you Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If you SMOKE, you are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is a GENTLEMAN.
If you do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If! you HURT him, you are CRUEL;
If he HURTS you, you are too SENSITIVE!! & sooo hard to please!!!!!

I know it is kind of funny reading this. My friend send me this and I thought it is kinda fun to share around. If I forward this to my guy friends, they'll swear that it is not true. No hard feeling ya... it is just for fun

look how cute he is....

I came across this photo that was taken in Sacramento during my visit to US last year. I think the bushy tail is just so cute and would like to share it. I remember there were so many of them and they were not afraid of human. It scared me a lot when one of them try to jump onto my bag to grab a peanut that I was holding.

My Friday..

My mood seems to be sinking by hours and it doesn't help that I'm fasting today. I'm feeling grumpy but I hope I was not putting a false front. I try my best to put a sweet face as I know that people will appreciate it that way. I'm hoping that I'll be able to pick myself up soon enough. I've been having massive headache this pass few days and the only remedy that work me now is to lay myself on the couch and try to catch some sleep.I'll wake up feeling better. I believe that this is the way my body is trying to communicate to me and to remind me to take care of myself.

I found solace in watching the bird flies and staring at the window. Sometimes I wish to have company on my journey. To have a shoulder to cry on. To have somebody that I can joke around for the rest of my life. But I scared of losing my freedom and my privacy. I believe I've to learn to share things and open up my heart to be loved. Perhaps I choose the safer way, the way that I best know of. People never realize how fragile I am. Maybe because I never let them too close to my heart. Maybe I'm too scared to be loved ... For fear it will crush me and come tumbling down. If I choose to flip my coin now, I wonder how it is going to be. Maybe it is not how I flip the coin that matter but the decision that I made to flip it.
I've been pretending to be tough and time I do feel lonely. But I do not trust myself to let others come close to me. I don't know why but that is how it is. Maybe it is just me and my junkie brain.

I feel that I am starting not to make sense even to myself. My mind just shutdowns and runs into ignore mode. Could it be the sign that I'm avoiding myself? I've been asked by somebody close to me on the subject of what I fear the most in my life. I said I fear of darkness and not knowing what the future hold for me. But deep in my heart I know I fear of myself. Why? I'll never have answer to that because ignorance plays the better part of me.

I don't know much about this world to dictate things and I could only search in myself and hope to be enlightened.

Enjoying your cuppa?

Today is the second day of Ramadhan and I've been fasting religously *sigh*.
There is one thing that I've always miss during the fasting season... a cup of hot aromatic coffee... **drooling**..' You can tell that I've been skipping my caffein fixes for two days now. Any reverse effect? Oh yes... I feel grumpy and I cannot stare at the coffee machine without imagining myself sipping the black elixir. Ummmm...

People said that you can tell a lot abt a person personality by observing his/her relationship with a coffee... I know what you are thingking , " no wonder you are such a freak".

The coffee personality are divided into few categories ... the addict, the snob, the binge drinker, etc... maybe there is more to that list but these are what I usually come across.

The addict - An addict will guzzle hot coffee like it’s is his\her last drink – the esophagus is a tube of seared scar tissue. His\Her only concern is to get the brew down the pipe ASAP. Sound familiar??

The coffe snob - The Coffee Snob is driven by compulsion in the pursuit of "the perfect cup of coffee.". I've met one of this type and Lord mercy, he embarassed me with all his 'know how' when I brought him to my favourite coffee joint

The binge drinker - the binge drinker makes up for his/her coffee abstention throughout the school semester by drinking java by the big barrel during midterms and finals. I went through this cycle few times expecially during my finals . Well, it's definitely worth it.

So which one is me? I think I'm a cofee addict even though it is not so bad now. I still drink few cups a day but have to tone it down a lot during Ramadhan and I'll tell you that it is not easy. I'd like to think of it as one of the sacrifices that I made for myself during Ramadhan.
Why do I even consider myself an addict? Well, maybe because I choose coffee-flavored sweets over fruit flavoured one. Or maybe it because I'll start salivating everytime I wallked pass the coffee machine in my office. I'll have headache when I did not get my fix for the day. So, I think it is true that I'm addicted... to coffee.

There are a few personal reason why I enjoy my coffee so much. To those who hate coffee... listen but don't take it personally :)

1) It is one of the thing that wake me up and keep me awake during the day. The smell of brewing coffee in the morning open up my eyes a bit faster..

2) It is one of the line that people always use to get to know others .. "wanna go for coffee?" it always work as a first invitation

3) Coffee is an ideal conversation starter or the ideal thing to have while you are having a discussion. What a better way to get to know someone by discussing favorite drinks or buying a cup for a person that sit beside you in the office... Coffee does say a lot about someone...hehehhe

4) Whatever your mood, you can complement coffees to make your experience complete...

5) A little indulgence for the day I'd say. People are not looking for coffee with dessert... they want coffee for dessert! The rich, delectably fragrant and guilt-free indulgences are heaven when you teamed it up with a nice gooey chocolaties brownies.. talk about heaven on earth

Anyway, I'm heading for my caffeine fix now. It's already 9.30pm but I cannot stop thinking about it. So, I'll indulge myself with the warmth feeling of my mug of coffee...ummmm..nice

Me...me...and me

Life is getting weirder and tougher
Nothing makes sense and I'm breaking down
This ain't me anymore...

I feel like crying, I feel like shouting
I feel tired, I feel weakened
I need to breath, I need a shoulder to cry on
Whispering to my soul to keep hanging on
Make myself believe that I'm not a quitter

They try to bring me down but I'll keep my head up
The crumbled spirit is still there
They just want to know if everything will be ok
When things are getting thougher they turn away
And I'm alone again...

I've been through this before
I'll win this silly game
I won't give up, I will not fall
I will stand tall

Am I ready?

How does it feels waking up one day and have nowhere to go, no meeting to attend and even no office to go to... Every move becomes a dread, every tick amplifes .... the eyes keep staring at the wall, thinking of what the future will hold.

This question keep coming back to my mind and whatever happens around me keeps echoing the thought. Things have moved so fast. One by one of my closest friends left the company. So, what is there for me to look forward to ? All new faces, hunger for the attention and I have to start all over again....Oh no!!!!
If I walk out the door today, am I ready? Have I chareoghraphed my move? I'm not sure. Too much stuffs to do and dunno where to start?... Will I have any money left after 3 months?... Will I still stuck in this rat race in one year time? So many queations yet so little thought is given to it.

What am I to my company? Another operating expenses, I think. All this thought keep coming up and I have no asnwer for it and I'm not sure if I'm honest enough to admit my fear of losing my security. But, what if it's true... It already hit me but I'm too scared to make my move. It drained my energy thinking about it. Life is not full of bed of roses.

Most of the people I knew will be leaving Agilent. It is hard for me to say goodbye to the people that I grew close to. My lunch mate, my yahoo buddy, my wild bunch .... everybody is moving on with their life. Am I strong enough to stay here? People will think that I'm paranoid but what the heck, I'm just human, I have feeling too. What should I do? Tell me why it take me so long to recognize it??

Resurrection Man

A slow paced book about Inspector Rebus being thrown to Tulliallan with a team of disfunctional Wild Bunch trying to figure out an old case under the supervision of Tennant - all with a hidden agenda.

I've been trying to finish this book since last week. Few pages at a time, I cannot get my eyes to stay awake long enough to go beyond that.

What a nightmare, at 1.45am this morning the guy next door manage to wake me up. I can here broken pieces of his phoney talk. Trying hard to drift back to slip and wasn't successful until about 2.30am.

5.30am, woke up again, This time around I just cannot go to sleep again. So, with eyes half open, I flipped through more pages of the book. Now I'm down to the last two chapters, will save it for later. At least I'll have something to read on when I come back from work. I wonder whether there is such thing as free ebook (fiction type) internet sites that I can go on and download ebooks. My friend was forwarded Angel and Demon ebook from a friend of her and she has been keen enough to finish that book. It is a wonder how a good marketing can be. I have the paperback copy of all Dan Brown novels. Bought it last year and is currently awaiting for the latest Patricia Cornwell or Kathy Reich's book to arrive in Malaysia. Hope it is worth the wait.

When I return home, I'll try to find a nice book shelves to house my collection. What a pity that they are just dusting around under my bed. Maybe I can try harder this time around. DIY kit??? Maybe not for me, hey ... why not try it. It will be a good Saturday exercise for me.

Transporter 2

Have anybody watch this one? I did.. hehheheheh ...It is a nice popcorn movie that you can watch during your lazy weekend. A bit exaggerated but hey.. I kinda expecting that. A slap of sexy lady and lots of car chase and walla… you get a movie.

It has its own charm though. Jason Statham in black suit doesn’t fail the movie. I’ll remember his character as a cool-headed Frank that goes by an inflexible code of ethics…The plot is common, nothing fancy – kind of make me remember Mission Impossible 2. Is it really alike? Maybe…

One thing I hate, ‘Lola’. Not sure how many people agree with me on this. Maybe the guy won't. This assassin lady wears more than undies, stiletto heels and shoulder holster? Is it an underdress or an overdress…. Kind of get sick after a while.

So, how many stars does it recieved? I'll give it 3 out 5 stars...

Miss my mom..

listening to puddle of mud, trying to shake my mind off my mom's lovely face. Put the volume as high as my ear can allowed but still feel homesick. I'm heading back to Penang in about two weeks time and I cannot wait for that. Thus tender hand will always touch my heart.

Last night call to my parent was a sad one. When you are far from home, you kind of always expecting for something nice everytime you call. But last night was a different one. Mom was pretty sad, one off our close relative, Nenek, was bed-ridden and is drifting on and off because she fell from the stairs and hit her head hard. According to mom, Nenek has blood clot at the back of her head and is now half-paralysed. She can only move her right hand. Pretty sad. I hope she hangs on there till I get back. At least I can say goodbye and ask for forgiveness l before she go away. I hope that she can still remember my face. Mom say that Nenek's speech has become 'slurred', very hard to understand.

I pray that she'll get better. I know that she's old, 86 years old I think but she deserved a nice life. I hope she'll come out of it and be able to recognize me when I'm back.

My eyes are teary now... Have been like this since last night. Trying my best to put a happy face so that everything will look normal. Hope is always there...

Sushi attack!!!!

I love sushi... One exotic thing that was introduced by my friend, Aida. She successfully converts me to Jap Food enthusiast. I tried my hand on making a few futomakis today - well, it is cheaper this way than eating in the sushi bar. I have lost of fillings, range from tuna and mayo, mexican mango, bell paper and eggs.

Since now I'm in Santa Rosa for two months, I don't have all my sushi kits here. So, I have to buy most of them at the nearby Asian Market including the bamboo mat. They have pretty good collection for the Japanese food section. You can get the mat, seaweed, vinaigrette powder, wasabi and those cute mochi balls. I just use normal rice as I cannot find the short grain sushi rice. It still taste ok - maybe not as good as the one in the shop but it is handmade.....

Tony promise to bring me to a Japanese restaurant in Santa Rosa. He cancelled it last time because something comes up - but hey, we can go later. In the meantime, I'll enjoy my sushi.

Stanford Visit

Saturday, 10th September was a memorable day in my life. Yeah.. I went to visit Stanford uni. I went there to visit Helmi's friend, Paul from his college day. Kinda a cool uni to study.

Paul's girlfriend, Jenny gave us a short tour of the uni. We even went to Paul's lab that have this MRI facility - cool gadget but the magnetic field is too strong and it gave me headache.

Well, we arrive there after we got lost in the neighborhood. At first we ended up in the Junior Museum. The lady over there was kind enough to print an instruction from Yahoo so that we can get to Paul's place. After few time of circling around we finally managed to track down Paul's residence. Phew... nice big telly he and his roommate have. Envy them.

Before we headed back, Paul treated us to a Thai Restaurant in downtown. I'd Thai Fried Rice with big prawn and few crab claws. Yum..yummm. The spring roll was sooooo refreshing. Paul and Helmi had a big meal - I'm really amazed with the amount of food that they eat and yet Paul still have some space for his favourite Oreo cookies. Heheheheh... .

Thanks to both Paul and Jenny, we have a great time there. Time for some sleep...